Strength

The Exchange System (and I’m not talking about money!)

(janaybrinkley.com does not own the rights to the cover image it was taken from, gonewiththetwins.com)

“You ain’t no better than a prostitute, at least a prostitute gets paid for what she does.”

Those words sunk into my fragile 18-year-old heart like a venomous snake bite. My spirit was crushed, and I felt lower than the floor where my feet rested. My initial shock of her statement wired my lips shut, so that a defensive response couldn’t flee from my mouth. My pride wanted me to stand up and give her a piece of my mind, but my body felt as if I had been cemented to the chair.  As the night went on, I tried with all my might to paint a smile on my face and release a hearty laugh or two, but her words were on constant replay in my mind as if someone had hit repeat on their favorite Anita Baker song. Even though her words hurt, a partial truth resided in her words, and I had to be a woman about it and face that truth head-on. You may wonder what truth? The truth is that a prostitute does receive a guaranteed payment for services rendered, so ultimately, she gets something in return; as for me, I gave the most vulnerable, precious, and intimate parts of myself away in hopes of getting a relationship or being loved in return. However, I received the daunting task of watching another person walk away with a piece of me never to return; while trying to figure out what to do with the resounding emptiness left in my spirit and in the meantime, another soul tie formed that left my heart and spirit in knots.

How did I get here? How did I get this low? Well, to be honest, lust, constant rejection, and non-existent self-worth led me down that dark and twisted path, but I would soon find a marvelous light at the end.  Situationships centered around sex gradually warped my belief system, so I believed that what God created, and thought was good was only worthy of being used by individuals who would know me as a distant memory. Soon enough my belief system and identity began to intertwine as if it was a grapevine in a garden. Even after all of this, none of it could compare to the bondage of a soul tie. Those soul ties held me in captivity to another soul who had disappeared for good. The knot of the soul tie became tighter with each sweet and lovely vow we exchanged with each other. See I had a bad habit of getting attached and having feelings of being in love with someone after the exchange. Within a few weeks, I was in “love” when it was lust. I wish I could properly explain the depth of pain I experienced when I wanted to be in a relationship with someone, but the feeling wasn’t mutual, especially after I had given them the most sacred part of my body. I would lie to myself and say, “It’s just sex, I’m good,” but that was a poor attempt to protect my feelings. It was more than sex because I couldn’t stop thinking about them. It was if they had made themselves at home in my mind. I would constantly check my phone for any missed calls or texts and any time my phone received a notification, my heart would leap for joy hoping that it was them, but it was never them. Then I had the “bright idea” of checking their social media pages only to have my wounded feelings hurt even more when I would see them alive, well, and on a date.

I would try to move forward, but that soul tie would cause my fingers to send “Hey, I miss you” texts as an attempt to salvage whatever I could out of the expired situationship. However, I did hit my breaking point when I realized that I had entered a constant practice of insanity (repeatedly doing the same thing but expecting a different result) and something had to change, so that’s when I made the ultimate exchange.

I decided to exchange my soul ties for the love of God and deliverance. Once I became serious about severing the soul ties, I had to admit and renounce the soul ties, cut off all communication from my exes, unfollow, and block them on ALL social media outlets and that is when the knots began to loosen.

The Holy Spirit helped me overcome those soul ties and gave me the strength not to give into my flesh. My Father helped me move forward from people that I thought I would never be able to live without but guess what I’m still living and maintaining only because of God. Also, I had to face the fact that the spirit of lust and rejection played a major role too.  God stripped that belief system and my self-assigned identity with His love and truth. He reminded that I’m His daughter who was worth saving, fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14), the apple of His eye, and how He has thoughts of peace about me (Jeremiah 29:11). The love that I so deeply longed for was a cheap, knock-off, perverted version of love. The love I desired cannot compare to the depth of God’s love. My Heavenly Father and Christ demonstrated the greatest love of all, which is a love that is sacrificial, freely given, fearless, forgiving, kind, patient, and doesn’t hold any record of my wrong doing. As of now, my heart is free, and I’m no longer bound to old lovers but the Lover of my soul. I believe one day soon that my heart will be entangled again with another soul tie, but this time it will be a marital tie to the one God saved for me.

 

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